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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hahahaha I figured we need something to take our frustrations out with this crappy weather.

ptm
 

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We could all use a little humor right about now ..........




Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are 'THE Seven Dwarfs' they get ushered in to see the Pope.



Dopey leads the pack.



'Dopey my son,' says the Pope, 'what can I do for you?'



Dopey asks, 'Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'



The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .'



In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.



Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.



Dopey turns back to face the Pope.



'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'



The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe '



This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.



Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.



Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, 'Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?'



The Pope answers, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'



The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting :













'Dopey fucked a penguin!'

'Dopey fucked a penguin!'
 

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Anyone heard the forecast for the next couple days?

:shithappens:
 

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**THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A




BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO
THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.***




**THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS
AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS
THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS
AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.**





**THE BLONDE REPLIES, 'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL,
I'M GOING TO HOUSTON, AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.'**





**THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND
TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A
BLONDE SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN
ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.*





**THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES



TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY
SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.**





**THE BLONDE REPLIES, 'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL,
I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.' **





**THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD
HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS
BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.**





**THE PILOT SAYS, 'YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS.
I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE'**





**HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,
AND SHE SAYS,'OH, I'M SORRY.' AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES
BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.**





**THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND
ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.**





**I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON.'***
 

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An old couple play fart football


A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he shits in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
sorry the post was suppose to say TWO SNOWS.....................I know, I know, bad attempt at humour.................but it reminds me of when I had my cottage in Haliburton we noticed a guy running the lake and then slowed down and next thing we knew he went in sled and all. we ran out over to the spot and stood above the open water and all of a sudden he came up. we tried to grab the guy but all he did was grasp a few breathes of fresh air and went down again. i told my buddies next time up we all reached but he fought us off grapsed some air and went down again. well we decided if we didnt get him out he would never survive so next time up we finally got a good enough hold of him and pulled him out. well all i can say is the guy was pissed off as hell at us yelling and screaming. when I asked why so mad that we saved his life he just looked at me and said one more pull and i would have had it started.....r r r r r r r r r ...........

ptm
 

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I was feeling suicidal last night because of the recent weather, so I called a suicide hotline and got a call center in Pakistan.

I told the nice Pakistani man on the phone how I was feeling suicidal and he asked me if I knew how to drive a truck?

:dunno:
 

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sorry the post was suppose to say TWO SNOWS.....................I know, I know, bad attempt at humour.................but it reminds me of when I had my cottage in Haliburton we noticed a guy running the lake and then slowed down and next thing we knew he went in sled and all. we ran out over to the spot and stood above the open water and all of a sudden he came up. we tried to grab the guy but all he did was grasp a few breathes of fresh air and went down again. i told my buddies next time up we all reached but he fought us off grapsed some air and went down again. well we decided if we didnt get him out he would never survive so next time up we finally got a good enough hold of him and pulled him out. well all i can say is the guy was pissed off as hell at us yelling and screaming. when I asked why so mad that we saved his life he just looked at me and said one more pull and i would have had it started.....r r r r r r r r r ...........

ptm[/b]

haha.. k i chuckled..
 

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A teenager asks his gramma, "have you seen my pills labeled LSD?" she says "No, but have you seen the huge dragon in the kitchen?"
 

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I was feeling suicidal last night because of the recent weather, so I called a suicide hotline and got a call center in Pakistan.

I told the nice Pakistani man on the phone how I was feeling suicidal and he asked me if I knew how to drive a truck?

:dunno:[/b]

A teenager asks his gramma, "have you seen my pills labeled LSD?" she says "No, but have you seen the huge dragon in the kitchen?"[/b]
Those two are pretty good.
 

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Rich guy and a poor guy, sitting at a bar, talking about their recent anniversaries. The rich guy says he bought his wife a BMW and a diamond ring for their anniversary. The poor guy asks, "why both gifts, when either one is damn nice on its own?" to which the rich guy explained, "if she didn't like the ring, she could take it back to the store in her new BMW". So the poor guy tells the rich guy he bought his wife a pair of flip-flops and a dildo. A little puzzled, the rich guy asks the meaning behind those gifts. The poor guy explains, "well, if she didn't like the flip-flops, she could go F*** herself!"
 

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A man walks into a public library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide..

The librarian responds, "F**k off, you'll not bring it back."
 

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An old couple play fart football


A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he shits in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
[/b]

hahahahaha

I was waiting for you to say the wife went to fart and the husband stuck it in her ass and said, blocked the field goal.
 
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