T'was the night before Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas, not a sound could you hear.
All the sledders were sleeping, for they'd had too much beer.

Then from out on the lake, I heard something comin'.
'Twas a well tuned twin, with loud pipes a hummin.

I jumped from my bed, and threw on my green suit.
Stumbled out the back door, in my black Sorel boots.

I peeked 'round the corner, and a what did I see?
But some clown on an big Cat, headed towards me.

I said "Must be Bill..., just out for a tear."
But that theory was trashed when it leaped in the air.

I twice shook my head, not believing my eyes.
For there was a FireCat, and boy could it fly!

When I saw who was driving, I was taken aback.
'Twas a jolly old fat man, with a big velvet sack.

He wore a custom geen helmet, and red leather suit.
With fur and bell trimmings on his Arctic Cat boots.

With a squeeze of his fingers he hauled in on the brake,
Made a shift and turn, and again crossed the lake.

He stopped the big twin up on top of the roof,
And jumped down the chimney with an audible "poof."

I ran in the house, not believing myself,
To confront this big sledder, who was sure not an elf.

When I peeked 'round the corner he was trimming the tree,
With Black Magic Chips, for the Mrs. and me.

I said there "Hey Buddy, what are you doing here?"
He said, "I'm from Hoppy's, and could use a beer"

"How come I haven't heard you say, "HO HO HO?"
"Well it fogs up my visor, so I can't see ya know."

"You are supposed to have Reindeer for getting around."
"Nope, I traded them in, for a dollar a pound."

"Why drive a FireCat, not an Indy or Z?"
"Just let me get done while the kids are asleep...."

I slid Santa a cold one, and he popped open the cap.
He chugged it down, then grabbed another from his sack.

He said, "Thanks for the Bud, but I gotta fly."
I said, "Be Careful, Good Luck, Good-bye."

Santa put on his helmet, and reached for his nose,
Then in an instant, up the chimney he rose.

Up on the roof, I heard the big twin roar
The shingles were trashed ......now for sure.

He pulled in on the throttle, and boy did he go .
Ripping up shingles and scattering snow.

But I heard him exclaim as he roared out of sight .
"Just don't try to catch, me you'll just see tail lights. ."

And I thought to myself, as he flew away
Will the Doo-ers believe this this? Heck no.., no way "