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One morning a man tells a coworker that her hair smells nice. The woman gets enraged, storms into her supervisor’s office, and declares she’s filing a sexual harassment suit.

Come on, says the supervisor, what’s wrong with a guy telling you your hair smells nice?

He’s a f****n’ midget
 

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A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He’s got spiked, multi-colored hair that’s green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he’s wearing worn-out shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat that’s directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, “What are you looking at you old fart… didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were young?” Without missing a beat, the old man replies, “Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot…. I thought maybe you were my son.”
 

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One morning a man tells a coworker that her hair smells nice. The woman gets enraged, storms into her supervisor’s office, and declares she’s filing a sexual harassment suit.

Come on, says the supervisor, what’s wrong with a guy telling you your hair smells nice?

He’s a f****n’ midget
And then she got fired for calling him a midget.
 

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2016 polaris indy 600sp
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40 Posts
Little boy goes to his priest for confessional.
‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl.’

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano?’

‘Yes, Father, it is.’

‘And who was the girl you were with?’

‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.’

‘Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’

‘I’ll never tell.’

‘Was it Nina Capelli?’

‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’

‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’

‘My lips are sealed.’

‘Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?’

‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’

The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped,
and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and
behave yourself.’

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over
and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’

‘Four months vacation and five good leads…’
 

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A rich man and a poor man are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends. “What are you getting your girlfriend?” asks the poor man. And the rich man says “I’m getting her a diamond ring and a Mercedes.” “Why both?” asks the poor man. And the rich man says “That way if she doesn’t like the ring she can still enjoy the Mercedes when she returns the ring.” And then the rich man asks the poor man “What are you getting your girlfriend?” And the poor man says “I’m buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go fuck herself.”
 

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Covid Humor

1)I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.


2) The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!


3) You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers…


4) This virus has done what no woman had been able to do…cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!


5) Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!


6) Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!


7) Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew up the furniture!”

8) I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!


9) ME: Alexa/Siri/Google what’s the weather this weekend? It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.


10) I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”


11) Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
 
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