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-   -   All time favorite joke. (https://www.hardcoresledder.com/forums/401-general-discussion-forum/1838962-all-time-favorite-joke.html)

MR WEEZ 10-05-2018 03:42 PM

All time favorite joke.
 
What do you call a blonde standing on her head?...... A brunette with bad breath.

too slow 10-05-2018 04:06 PM

Once asked a blond what the capital of Connecticut was here...she said a C

XCR1250 10-05-2018 04:25 PM

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

MR WEEZ 10-05-2018 04:37 PM

A blonde is driving down a country road and see's another blonde in the middle of a field rowing a boat. The blonde stops her car and yells, "hey what are you doing trying to row a boat in the middle of a field?" She yells again "It's blondes like you that give all blondes a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

patrioticinnovations 10-05-2018 04:39 PM

Best Irish joke ever.
 
Paddy had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the night, celebrating St Patrick’s Day.

Mick, the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’.

Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

‘Damn’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, ‘oh bloody damn!’

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

‘Be-Jesus… I’m in bloody trouble,’ he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says ‘No bloody way....’

He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says ‘I can make it to the bed’. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ‘damn it’ and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ‘Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?’

Paddy says, ‘I did, Jess. I was bloody pissed. But how did you know?’



























‘Mick phoned .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.’

cfm 10-05-2018 04:44 PM

Husband says to wife,"Honey,what would you do if I won the lottery ?"
She says matter of a factly " I would take half and leave you."
He says smiling " Good ! Here's $5, now get the fukout ! "

:lol::laff:

nhgator 10-05-2018 04:55 PM

A woman was speeding down the highway late for work and gets pulled over by a cop. He takes her info and asks,whats the hurry? She says im late for work,he asked what do you do? She says im an asshole stretcher! He asked how does that work? She says well I take an asshole and stretch it,and stretch it till it's about 6 feet tall. He asked what do you do with a 6 ft asshole? She says give them a radar gun and badge and put them on the side of the road.

MR WEEZ 10-05-2018 05:03 PM

Why do blondes wear underwear?...... to keep their ankles warm.

MR WEEZ 10-05-2018 05:23 PM

A Polaris and an Artic Cat guy both walk into a bar. Ah never mind.............

patrioticinnovations 10-05-2018 05:29 PM

Wife takes her husband to Dr for a checkup.

A few days later, Dr calls her.

Says, we mixed your husband"s blood test results up with another guy. One of them has alzheimers and the other has herpes.

Oh my says the wife. Can we redo the test? Nope. Your insurance won't pay for it.

But, we suggest that you take him into town and leave him. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.


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