Why do hillbillys have curtains in the pigs barn stall? So they have something to wipe their dicks off with!
what happened to the fly that sat on the toilet seat?
it got pissed off!
Larry the Cable Guy
I BELIEVE. That a stadium full of midgets doing the wave would be a "ripple".
Speaking of midgets:
A Cowboy who was a midget went to the Dr complaining that his testicles were progressively getting more and more sore as he walked the fences.
Dr had him jump up on the table and drop his drawers.
Dr took a pair of scissors out and proceeded to snip.
In a few seconds, he told the cowboy to pull his drawers up, helped him get off the table, and told him to walk around.
The cowboy was amazed. No more pain as he walked.
Asked the DR, what did you just do?
Dr says, I cut the tops down on your cowboy boots.
A horse walks into a bar - the bartender asks why the long face.......
Bacon & eggs walk into a bar - the bartender says sorry we don't serve breakfast.........
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, have you seen my dad??? Bartender, what does he look like.......
A little boy and his dad were walking thru the park, the little boy sees two dogs "going at it", he asks his dad what are those two dogs doing???? Dad replies, they're making puppies.... Little boy.... oh, ok
A couple days later the little boy walks into mom & dad room at night and mom and dad are "going at it" the little boys asks his dad what are you and mom doing??? Dad replies we're trying to make you a little brother or sister.........
The little boy replies, roll her over I'd rather have a puppy....... :thumbsup:
a priest was assigned to the confessionals, He realized that he had to take a piss real
bad, so he peaks out the door and sees a gentleman sitting in the pews. He asked
the guy if he would cover for him for a few minutes so he could relieve himself. The
guy stated that he wouldn't know what to do. The priest tells him its real simple. I
have a list of sins, and right next to it I have a list of pennants. The guy finally
agreed to help him out and told the priest to please hurry back. The priest leaves
and the guy waits in the confessional. All of a sudden a woman walks into the
confessional and says "forgive me father, I have sinned. The other night, I gave my
boyfriend a blowjob." So the guy is looking up and down the list of sins, but doesn't
In a panic, he peaks out the door, and sees an alter boy. He gets the boys
attention and asks him, "hey, what does the priest give for blowjobs"? The alter boy
answers, "oh, 2 candy bars and a ride home"
True story. We were in church a couple weeks ago and at the end of the service the priest introduced 3 nuns visiting the area from a religious order out of Milwaukee. The nuns weren't wearing traditional habits, but were all dressed similar, had about the same hairstyle, and wore similar glasses. My wife commented that they all looked the same. I had to tell her that it was because they were sisters.
What do you call an Indian without testicles?
Which state is round on both ends and high in the middle?
A pile of smoldering rubble is seen by a motorist. As he approached the Police Officer standing nearby, he asked what happened.
The officer stated that the coroner ruled it suicide.
The guy was driving a Ford Pinto with Firestone 500 tires.
Little Johnny ran into the house and told his father that one of his chickens was laying on its back, feet straight up in the air and was dead.
The father responded that the chicken laid like that so God could reach down and pick him up to take him to heaven.
A week later when the boys father returned from work, Johnny met him in the driveway and said "We almost lost mom today, But uncle Jim saved her." " How so? " asked the father. "Well dad, when I got home from school, mom was on the couch, legs straight up in the air yelling 'God I'm coming'. Uncle Jim was right there on top of her holding her down."
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