An Alexander County Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of the Missouri state line. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.
The deputy told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the deputy that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The deputy told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the deputy got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the squad car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in. The deputy observed him doing this and went over to his squad car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "Might as well take my ass on to jail, there's no way in hell I can pass that test."

A really sloppy drunk is draped over the bar. The bartender tells him, "OK, you've had enough. I'm not going to serve you anymore, so get out of here and go home."

The drunk leaves the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through the back door. The bartender tells him, "I told you to go home, I'm not serving you anything more, you've had enough, now go home." The drunk leaves again.

Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through a side door. Again, the bartender tells him, "Man, I told you, you're wasted. I'm not serving you anymore, now go home, you've had enough." Again, the drunk leaves.

Fifteen minutes later the drunk comes back through another side door. The bartender says, "What the hell is the matter with you? I keep telling you, you've had enough already, and I'm not going to serve you anymore, now go home!"

The drunk looks up at the bartender and asks, "How many places do you work at?"