HOW TO SPOT A SNOWMOBILER AT WAL-MART
If you ram all the other shopping carts in the stall with your cart when you park it, you’re a snocrosser.
If you park your truck so the front end is up on the snow bank in the parking lot, you’re a highmarker.
If you do a burnout at the stoplight going into the parking lot, scream across the empty part of the lot and slam the brakes so hard that they squeal, you’re a lake racer.
If you push your cart down aisles at a fast pace and let it bounce off everything from end caps to small children, you’re a boondocker.
If you use the parking lot entrances near the Chuck-A-Rama and loop around the perimeter before parking, you’re a trail rider.
If you take a heaping cart full of items through the 20-or-less check stand, you’re a touring rider.
If you “draft” off someone else pushing a cart, you’re a cross country racer.
If you time yourself each time you shop, you’re a hillclimber.
If your shopping list is sorted aisle by aisle, you ride with your wife too much.
If you weave in and out of display islands-and you’re the only one in the aisle- you’re a ditch banger.
If you refer to the foyer where you pick up an empty shopping cart as “staging”, you’re a hillclimber.
If you have three escape routes from anywhere in the store, you’re a boondocker.
If you powerslide your cart around the bannana stand, you’re a snocrosser.
If you’ve ever grabbed a cart with a wobbly wheel, stopped in the tool section, taken a wrench off the rack and tried to fix the wheel, you’re a mechanic.
If you’ve ever cut off an old lady in the pharmacy section, you’re a scocrosser.
If you make sure you push your cart just a little beyond where your wife stops in the aisle, you’re a highmarker.
If you hit floor transitions like door thresholds and rug edges with enough force to make the cart bounce, you’re a freerider.
If you hang out by the frozen vegetables to get used to the cold, you’re a cross country racer.
If you have a shortcut to the lawn and garden department, you’re a boondocker.
If you grab items off the shelf without actually stopping the cart, you’re a cross country racer.
If some lady leaves her cart in the middle of the aisle and you ram it, just because it was in your way, you’re a ditch banger.
If you drive your cart between two fully loaded clothing racks and leave half the clothes scattered on the floor, you’re a tree rider.
If you help someone else get a cart unstuck from the train, you’re a mountain rider.
If you ever tipped a cart over, you’re a freerider.
If you’ve ever seen how far you could push a cart on two wheels, you’re a boondocker.
If you make one big loop around the whole store, you’re a trail rider.
If you use a basket instead of a shopping cart because they are lighter, you’re a mountain rider.
If you spend a half an hour in the magazine section, you’re normal.
By Ryan Harris SnoWest Magazine